How It All Began …

Due to the unprecedented success of this life-changing blog, I thought I would let you in on how it all began.

Nearly a decade ago, I started sending Bladder-Warwick family updates with the Christmas cards to friends and acquaintances that I wasn’t going see over the festive period.

People loved reading all about the B-Ws so much that one acquaintance took to reading them aloud in their local pub, whilst another made extra copies and sold them off to their neighbours for a fiver each.

So I’m reproducing the first of these scintillating original letters here for your pleasure - free of charge!

Bladder Hall

Darkest Cumbria

12th December 2015

Dear Friends, Nobles and Cumbrians,

I hope this finds you well and happy at this yuletide season.

I knew many of you looked forward to my little round up of our year here at Bladder Hall, and that for some the arrival of my letter marks the beginning of the festive season. However, until recently, I was unaware that some of our friends actually save my letter to read aloud on Christmas Day. I can’t tell you how touched I am to know that my efforts lend a little extra sparkle to your homely celebrations.

2015 has been as busy as ever for the B-Ws.

We spent January skiing in Val de Isère for the nineteenth year running. As ever we were joined by the Smith-Gore-Blacketts and the Forbes-Pattersons who introduced us to the Grunt-Witterings, a lovely family who hail from a charming rural hamlet just north of Croydon.

The B-Ws hosted a most lively evening at the chalet, following the ever popular fancy dress slalom, this year won by Totty Grunt-Wittering as Mother Teresa. Well done, Totty! My special sloe gin, made from sloes from Bladder Hall and smuggled into France for the occasion, proved extremely popular. So once back home, we launched a new line of sloe and damson gins. This year’s batch is now available and it makes a wonderful last minute Christmas gift. Just go to bladdered.com to place your order!

Unfortunately, during the post-slalom festivities, Douglas somehow slipped from the balcony of the chalet and was discovered in a deep snow drift the next day with several broken ribs, an empty gin bottle and a severe chill. He failed to recover from this during the coldest February on record at Bladder Hall, and was admitted to hospital at the beginning of March with double pneumonia.

In April, Miranda launched her new one woman show at the Silloth Playhouse: Tess of the Tupperware. It’s a modern re-working of the classic tale by Thomas Hardy of a woman who tries to break free of an oppressive, rigid, plastic dominated society and is ultimately destroyed when she can’t match the lids to the containers. Sadly, the run at Silloth was all too short. However, in true B-W spirit, she is undeterred and is now working on her next project, a musical about the obesity crisis facing women today called Annie Get Your Bun!

In May, Douglas was finally up and about again and able to help Johnny and his new friend Wulf with their latest venture - a rock festival in the grounds of Bladder Hall. This was a great success and I particularly enjoyed the works by Zombie Farm and The Undead.

Unfortunately, at the final concert, Douglas, who had been working with the crew, fell backwards off the main stage and was discovered amongst the crowd with cuts and bruises, mild concussion, and several grams of angel dust. The police and magistrates were very understanding about the whole thing and released him from custody in time for the Bladder Hall Fete in July which raised a record-breaking £3,782.00.

In September, after a quick Power Pilates break in the Algarve with Patsy Forbes-Patterson and Totty Grunt-Wittering, I got down to some serious work on my interior design businesses. As some of you will know, I run several interiors and accessory websites: nordicbladders.com for Scandinavian-inspired merchandise which is very on trend right now, velvetbladders.com my soft furnishing and re-upholstery business and urbanbladders.com for reclaimed and retro chic items. I have now brought them all under one roof and launched a combined website Shopthebladders.com. So please get clicking!

All the B-Ws gathered at St Botolph’s Church in October for the christening of Toby and Harriet’s triplets, Celestine, Delphine and Listerine. It was a wonderful service followed by an informal celebration at Bladder Hall, and only slightly marred when Nobby Grunt-Wittering reversed into Douglas in his Range Rover. The surgeon is confident Douglas should be walking again by the New Year, so no harm done Nobby!

Anyway, with Christmas upon us once more, best wishes to you all for the coming year and love from all the B-Ws,

Maggie.