Bladders on a Budget

It seems everyone these days is feeling the pinch financially, so I thought for my first blog post I would reveal to you some of my tried and tested tips on domestic economy. So here we go - fiscal responsibility Bladder-Warwick style!

To get the background on all this, I visited Douglas’ friend and financial whizz, Hubert Gately-Bodger. The dear old thing talked me through supply and demand and the importance of opportunity cost. To be honest, it was all jolly dreary, but the good news is that all you really need to know is that to be better off you have to:

  • Spend less money; or

  • Make more money; or

  • Do both at the same time.

So you see, all this economics business is quite simple!

And I must just add here that although it is true Hubert was investigated for fraud and embezzlement a couple of years ago, no charges were ever brought.

So let’s get to putting the theory into practice…

Spending Less Dosh

Spending less isn’t easy, I know. Let’s face it, expensive stuff is just … just … so much better. But the good news is that I have some brilliant ideas on how you can economize without your whole life becoming utterly frightful. And what’s even better, I have done all these things myself, so I know they work!

Cutting Back on Entertaining

Here at Bladder Hall, the ancestral home of the Bladder-Warwicks, we like nothing better than hosting a long weekend house party or a fancy dress ball. But it all costs money. I have listed below some ideas of how you can entertain more cheaply and still enjoy yourselves!

  • If you are hosting a big event, get your friends to lend you their staff for a few days

  • For a summer ball or wedding, clear out a spare barn rather than hiring an expensive marquee

  • Invite some vegetarians, who are generally less fun, but cheaper to feed

  • If you are really desperate, invite some teetotalers, although you will need a decent supply of booze for yourself if you decide to do this

  • To get rid of guests who linger after the weekend party is over, pretend you have a job to go to and turn off the heating as you leave

  • If heating costs are really crippling, I find most dinner guests are perfectly happy to cuddle a terrier for warmth throughout the evening and/or house guests can take them to bed with them. I find Jack Russells are generally best for this

  • See also Shooting for the Pot below

And remember, if you are tempted to serve smaller portions at mealtimes, in my experience it is always a false economy. Guests will either raid the larder later on or drink more booze to compensate.

Shooting for the Pot

Luckily, all the Bladder-Warwicks are crack shots, although Douglas no longer shoots after winging a beater some years ago who made a terrible fuss about a mere flesh wound. Nevertheless, a day’s shooting is great entertainment for you and your (non-vegetarian) guests and can result in a good few pheasants for the pot.

But why stop at pheasants when quail, partridge, rabbits and even pigeons also make good eating? A couple of Bladder-Warwick words of warning:

  • Make sure your cook or housekeeper gets all the lead shot out of a carcass before cooking, as you don’t want to choke any of your guests!

  • It is not good form to shoot your neighbours’ birds, though the odd chicken or turkey straying onto your land is fair game and stretches your budget further.

Growing your own

I am a great believer in self-sufficiency and so should you be. You may be surprised to learn that all you need is a bit of ingenuity and a few acres of good land to start growing things and making a real impact.

For example, at Bladder Hall which enjoys a south facing aspect, a free draining soil and a couple of jolly good fulltime gardeners, we have recently revived the kitchen garden, which now keeps us supplied with veg all year round. I also have a cutting garden which supplies fresh flowers for the house throughout the summer, which reduces the need to have exotic blooms delivered. And it is so satisfying to arrange home grown roses, delphiniums, pinks and peonies!

Douglas, with the help of Totty Grunt-Wittering, has been busy in the greenhouses and after much experimentation with Totty and various botanicals, will shortly be launching his own brand of gin, available soon at boozybladders.com

And it doesn’t stop with fruit, flowers and veg. We have several acres of woodland that keep our own fires burning through the winter and we sell any spare logs through blazingbladders.com. I think that’s what Hubert (remember Hubert?) would call a win-win!

Making More Dosh

The other half of Hubert’s advice is to get more cash in. This may sound simple but how does one actually manage this without resorting to doing something frightfully silly like getting a job?

Well, look no further for the answers…

Rent out a Cottage

Take a look at the place you live in and see if you could free up an area that could be let, either long or short term.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be a cottage. If you have one wing of your house that you rarely use or a couple of fields that you don’t have plans for, why not rent out the space to someone who will make good use of it?

And this idea is for city dwellers too! Totty Grunt-Wittering tells me that she lets out one of the bedrooms in her Chelsea flat by the hour!

Selling Spare Antiques

In a similar vein, are there items in your home, maybe that have been there for hundreds of years, that you no longer really value? If so, it may be time to get the nice young man from the auctioneers in to do a valuation (which is normally free) and organise a sale. I will be writing about this process in more detail in my upcoming post Decluttering for Duchesses but just a couple of warnings here:

  • Check with your family before selling an heirloom, however hideous. I sold a portrait of Douglas’ great aunt which he hated so much he’d hung it in the loo, but it didn’t stop him buying it back at the auction out of family loyalty!

  • When selling cupboards, chests or trunks always check that they are empty. It was only by luck that we got the title deeds for Bladder Hall back from the buyer of our Chinese cabinet.

Setting up a Blog

And why not launch your own blog just like I’m doing? A friend suggested I do a blog years ago. I said I didn’t have time. I said I didn’t want to make that sort of commitment. I said I wouldn’t know what to write. But the truth was I simply lacked the confidence to do it.

But follow the three golden rules below and you’ll be up and running in no time:

  • You don’t need to have the first clue about what you’re writing. You can just make it up. No one will ever know.

  • Get your children or grandchildren to do all the technical bits. And because they’re family they will do it for free!

  • Let all your friends know you’ve started a blog and they’ll all want to read it because they think it’s a hoot and to check if they get a mention!

Summing Up

It’s not as difficult to make ends meet as people think. It just takes some confidence and a reappraisal of what resources are to hand.

So, whether you decide to make gin or shoot your own dinner, I wish you the very best of luck.

Until next time…

Maggie B-W.