Bladders Bow Out

It’s Maggie B-W here again and for this post I’ve joined forces with dear old Douglas and the effervescent Totty Grunt-Wittering.

We’re all in the study with the fire roaring in the grate and glasses of bladdered.com special reserve sloe gin all round.

Mrs Boothby has just opened the door, lobbed in a tray of mince pies loaded with brandy butter and class resentment and departed to conduct the singing of the Red Flag in the great hall with her group of anarchist carol singers from the village.

Outside, large chunks of Cumbrian winter weather are being flung against the old sandstone walls of Bladder Hall.

And the three of us would like to share with you our plans for the New Year…

Douglas

Douglas B-W here reporting for duty.

As Maggie will attest, I’ve been working extraordinarily hard, with Totty, to develop and test a whole range of alcoholic drinks for bladdered.com.

Who could forget the 155% proof absinthe or the hallucination inducing Amber Demon? Well, me actually because after drinking them, I was complete unable to account for several days of my life.

And whilst it’s been great fun propagating in the greenhouse with Totty, sadly it’s taken its toll.

So in the New Year I’m off for a relaxing break at somewhere called the Priory, recommended by my quack and then I’ll be developing a new line in non-alcoholic beverages which I’m thinking of calling drybladders.com.

Totty

Well, hullo chaps. Totty here.

Following the success of my exercise videos on ToffTok (and a little misunderstanding with HM Revenue and Customs over the income they generated), I’ve decided to pop orf across the pond to try my luck in Hollywood.

I will be staying with my super-glamourous pal, Lola Thrusting-Golightly, in her pad just orf Rodeo Drive. So if you are in the area, do drop in for a swift one.

Lola has been doing jolly well in the film industry recently. She was a corpse in a recent TV crime drama, a non-verbal zombie in The Early Evening of the Living Dead and Shopper Number Three in the US version of Bargain Hunt. And now I hope to follow in her wake, so watch this space!

But however exciting Tinsel Town may appear, I will miss Maggie, jolly old Bladder Hall and of course dear, dear, sweet Douglas who has become such a pal…

Mrs Boothby

Following the inadvertent disclosure that A) Mrs Boothby does, after all, have a first name and B) that it’s Gladys, she has decided to abandon the world of domestic service, hand in her notice and join an ashram, just four hours from Mumbai by rickshaw.

Maggie

I will be off to Val de Isère for the annual skiing trip with the Patsy Forbes-Patterson and family in January but this year I will be staying on to help out with Patsy’s new initiative - a counselling service for home sick chalet girls.

Since my last blog post, I have also been overwhelmed by entries for the Bladder Hall Poetry Competition so I have extended the deadline to the 30 th June 2024 to give me time to read them all.

I have also added a new competition category for limericks relating to Totty, so if you want to enter please send your compositions to bladderbards@gmail.com. But I would warn you it’s going to very difficult to choose as I’ve got 2,734 entries about various parts of Totty’s anatomy already!

Anyway, what we are trying to say is that there isn’t going to be anyone at Bladder Hall for a while to write the blog. But having had the benefit of our combined wisdom for several months, we feel sure that you’ll manage on your own - somehow!

We hope you’ve enjoyed reading the blog as much as Totty and Douglas have enjoyed doing it.

With best B-W wishes for a jolly 2024,

Maggie, Douglas and Totty.