The Bladder Hall Herdwicks

Hello. I’m Douglas Bladder-Warwick, Maggie’s husband.

I’m currently in bed because of a pruning accident involving Totty Grunt-Wittering and an enormous climbing rose. (It was Rosa ‘The Generous Gardener’ for any keen gardeners out there.) Both Totty and the rose are fine, by the way, but I sustained three broken ribs, a fractured collar bone, a world class telling-off from Maggie and nearly severed my thumb with the secateurs.

To stop me getting bored during my convalescence, Maggie told me to write the next blog whatnot.

“Write what you know,” she commanded, whilst shoving her laptop across the eiderdown at me.

“Make it something you’re really passionate about. And don’t mention pruning!”

Well, I couldn’t think of anything but pruning after that. You see, I don’t know much about anything really.

But then Totty sneaked me a reviving gin and whatnot and reminded me of one of my favourite things. Something I was crazy for in my youth. Something I’d walk miles in the rain for. Something that I spend hours thinking about even now as an older man.

Sheep.

Herdwicks: The Facts

But not any old sheep. Herdwick Sheep. If you like sheep, you’re going to love Herdwicks.

And if you don’t like sheep (and apparently there are people who don’t, but that’s only because you’ve never met any) then my aim in this blog whatnot is to convert you.

Here are some basic Herdwick facts to get you started:

  • They are native to the Lake District, having hung about nibbling on the fells for a thousand years.

  • Beatrix Potter, when not forcing small animals into ridiculous outfits, kept a flock of Herdwicks.

  • They aren’t stupid like Swaledales or Suffolks. In fact, they are highly intelligent. More on that later.

  • They are hardy and robust, good natured, honest, tolerant and believe in fair play. In short, they are sheep that make you proud to be British.

More Reasons to Keep Herdwicks

There are many good reasons to keep a flock of these noble creatures. But if you need to persuade a reluctant spouse, for example, of the beauty of your new hobby, here are some points to mention:

  • Wool - Herdwick wool is very hardwearing and I believe might have been used in the past for carpets. These days it is used for clothing too. My Herdwick wool socks last for years. Perhaps I could do another blog whatnot all about socks.

  • Meat - Although we don’t kill our own sheep for the pot, Herdwick is very tasty. Totty can supply you with lamb and mutton if you place your order at tottysgame.com. And I’m not going to repeat Maggie’s comment about mutton dressed as lamb…

  • They Get You Out of the House - You know those times when you’ve done something wrong but she won’t tell you what. Or she’s expecting visitors and you’re just in the way. Then take yourself off to whatever field or fellside the sheep are inhabiting. You are being a good shepherd, not just a blasted coward.

  • Keeping the Grass Down - If you have lawns of ample sizes as we do at Bladder Hall, not to mention the blasted tennis courts, someone has to spend years of their life mowing the damn things. Get some Herdwicks in and they will help you. And they’ll fertilize the grass at the same time.

Love and Understanding

But the best things about Herdwicks are:

  • They are highly intelligent. I have long, long chats with my ewes and I swear they understand every word I say. I tell them all my worries and somehow things don’t seem as bad after that. If I get nasty correspondence, say from HM Revenue & Customs, one of them will step forward and gently take it out of my hand and then devour the whole thing including the envelope.

  • They look like teddy bears. What else can I say? Don’t you just want to give them a cuddle? I wanted to replace the ghastly family mug shots in the Long Gallery with pictures of the flock, but apparently that’s not ‘in’ according to Maggie.

  • They each have distinct personalities. So much so that I’ve given all my girls names. There’s Doris and Flo, Betty and Mimi, Betty’s daughter Bianca and the twins, Clara and Celeste…

Well, that’s about it. I’m in need of another gin and sitting up typing is getting a tad painful.

Chin up chaps,

Douglas.